Looking back at my past reviews, it seems like I’ve only posted reviews of good movies. Makes it seem like I like all movies, which certainly isn’t the case. Just didn’t feel like committing time and effort to write one solid review for a bad movie, when it could have been spent writing one for a good movie.
BUT I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO DO OTHERWISE.
So here I am, bringing in a bit of controversy into my page. Here are some recent movies that I don’t recommend watching.
#01: WONDER WOMAN
Gal Gadot is really pretty, and really cool, and I still admire her as a person… but this movie really sucks. You might have heard me bash up this movie several times in my previous reviews. They’re mostly complaints about the terrible graphics, you can read them here and here. I was really pissed at this movie, because FOR ONCE it’s a movie on a female superhero, and this is the SHIT they give to us?! I spent a bloody weekend ticket to watch this movie with my friends! I was all ready to dumb myself down to enjoy this movie (I lower my expectations for any DC or Marvel movies these days. Wait. Actually I don’t even bother watching them anymore. This was an exception). AND YET I couldn’t have been more unprepared for the shit-train I was about to embark on.
I will say though, that Chris Pine was the only person who knew what he was doing. If it wasn’t for him, this movie would have been 100% shit. Thanks to his charisma, it’s only 92% shit. That’s right, 92% is this movie’s friggin’ rating on rotten tomatoes. What the hell is going on with this world? The plot was terrible, absolutely nasty, even a six year old kid could have come up with something better than that. I left the cinema absolutely infuriated, and I actually went out of my way to stop people from watching this movie. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
#02: TULIP FEVER
I should have known that something was off when the thumbnail image of this movie’s trailer on youtube was huge picture of Cara Delevingne’s face and not even one of the oscar-winning actors in this movie.
It felt like the writers who wrote this movie did it simultaneously as they were shooting it. Halfway through they probably realised this movie was gonna be bad, so they didn’t give a damn anymore and just wrote the story straight to hell. I actually decided to watch this movie without having seen any reviews about it. When I bought the tickets to see this, I had no idea it was 9% on rotten tomatoes. By the way, if Tulip Fever is at 9% then Wonder Woman should have been at the most 0%. Just saying.
I just saw the stellar cast of Tulip Fever, and I was sold. AND I watched this movie right after The Beguiled, so you can imagine how serious I was at that time… then almost immediately disgusted. Tulip Fever was like one of those awful soap operas you see on TV, where they purposely write in stupid characters to make you angry. The plot changes just for the sake of cheap thrills, thinking it would make me interested and excited about the mess I’m watching unfold on screen. If Wonder Woman was shit moving in one direction then Tulip Fever was like shit being thrown all over the place, in all directions and velocities. The only good thing about this movie was the set design and costumes, everything else was just AWFUL. My heart goes out to all the amazing actors who must have been threatened at gun point to act in this terrible movie.
#03: TO THE BONE
I give To The Bone a 4/10. It’s a movie that was put together for good intentions – to raise awareness about eating disorders, but I think there might be better ways to have done it. This movie should have been much, much darker, because this is a really heavy topic. It should have been more graphically grotesque and psychologically traumatising. It should be leaving me with questions in my head about the negative implications of these eating disorders on the patient and the people around them. Don’t get me wrong, this movie did address these things, but their efforts weren’t effective enough to leave me thinking about it. That aside, I have to applaud Lily Collins for the amount of weight she lost for this film. Her effort was the only reason why I decided to watch this.
I’ll be honest, when I finished watching this film, I actually admired them. I thought that it would have been kind of nice if I were anorexic. And for a while I tried not to eat as much. I started measuring the thickness of my arms the way Lily Collins’ character did in the film. Then I thought, if this is what the film has done to me, then the producers have definitely failed.
#04: BABY DRIVER
I’m a little reluctant to put this movie in the same list as the above three films, because if I were Edgar Wright I’d be insulted to be looped into the same group as both Tulip Fever and Wonder Woman. So I’m going to make it clear, that Baby Driver isn’t a terrible movie. I just wouldn’t recommend this film because it’s just alright. It isn’t good, but it’s alright. I’d give Baby Driver a 5 or 6/10.
I really wanted to love Baby Driver. It’s something new, a film cut to the beat of music. I have to admit I judged this movie by it’s poster. I thought it was going to be an indie film with a lot of cool lines that I’d want to write down in a notebook. I was all ready to put this movie next to Drive and Reservoir Dogs. But I was very disappointed. Baby Driver‘s plot just felt really overused. It was predictable, and nothing was original. If this was the first heist film I’ve ever seen, I might have liked it!
Baby Driver didn’t have any complex characters either. It’s all the same kind of characters we see in so many other movies. The chemistry between Lily James and Ansel Elgort? Wasn’t feeling it either. What they had on screen couldn’t hold a candle to the chemistry between Ryan Gosling and Carey Mulligan in Drive. I’m definitely gonna compare these two films because they have very similar plots, and both of them are films with romance at its core. If the backbone of the film is this romance, then it HAS to work. Sorry, I just didn’t buy their love, it wasn’t convincing. I was always aware that I was watching two actors pretending to be two people in love, and it shouldn’t be like that.
All that aside, the way the scene, sound and music were all cut to match each other, it’s very, very admirable. And I enjoyed that very much. Very satisfying. But while I can admire it, that’s not a reason why I go to the cinemas.
I’m going to just quickly mention another two films that I’m not sure where to put just yet. These two are good films that I wouldn’t recommend, because the chances of it being disappointing would be high. I’m not in love with these two films, but I don’t deny that they are good films.
Here are two good films that I wouldn’t recommend:
#01: GET OUT
I expected way more from Get Out, thought it was going to be a work of a genius, given all the hype that it got when it was released. My friends and I enjoyed the movie but couldn’t shake away that nagging disappointment we felt at the back of our minds. Was it the predictable ending? Could have been that. I felt that the movie was really good only on hindsight, when I realised all the easter eggs and metaphors. I like films that challenge the usual styles we see in the cinema these days, so in a way, Get Out was like a breath of fresh air. The humor in this film was a little strange but I kinda liked it. Felt a little morbid.
However I do agree with some reviewers that Lil Rey Howery’s character, Rod, didn’t quite match the theme of the film. On one hand it seemed like Jordan Peele was trying to write a different kind of dark comedy, will all these morbid characters that seemed out of this world, and on the other hand we have this regular comic dude that seemed to have jumped out from a stereotypical comedy and landed into this one. He was out of place. His character’s humor was normal, just like the regular american comedies, which was completely opposite from the tone of the film. Well, maybe he was purposely placed there by Peele so we could see the difference between “normal” and “abnormal”. Maybe he’s inserted there so we could take a break from the madness every once in a while. I’m not sure what to think about it.
But that’s just a small part. The most important thing about Get Out that didn’t work for me, was the predictable ending. The plot just wasn’t as mind-blowing as I expected it to be. Hence, I’m a little on the fence about this film. It’s good and we should support courageous directors who challenge to norm. They’re the ones fighting to keep the cinemas exciting! Movies shouldn’t be made to please everyone. Directors should take risks and be unique with their take on the story. But then again, with that risk, it makes it harder for me to recommend such films to you.
#02: BLADE RUNNER (1982)
Yes, I know, this isn’t a recent film. Hence it’s here, right at the bottom. Blade Runner has been on my list for a long time but I’ve been procrastinating, too many movies on my constantly-growing list. But Blade Runner 2049 is coming out next week and it stars Ryan Gosling (an amazing actor I absolutely respect) and so I had to make sure I’m not clueless about the Blade Runner world when I enter the cinema.
Did I enjoy Blade Runner? No. I couldn’t relate to any of the characters, wasn’t excited to see where the film was headed towards, and the lack of dialogue made it hard to follow as well. It was really dry, up until the final quarter of the film. I guess the ending did kinda make the first three quarters worth sitting through. It’s one of those climactic revelations at the end of the film that makes you realise what you thought was true all along was actually a lie. Kinda cool, makes me still want to watch the next movie.
Actually Blade Runner felt a little like Paprika to me. One of those extremely cool cult films I wished I liked, and being a fan of these films would make me sound quite artsy/hipster/cool. Sadly I’m one of those who can’t appreciate films like Blade Runner and Paprika. These films just didn’t work for me, and trying to convince myself to think otherwise (just to look less stupid) would be too pretentious of me.
Well, stay tuned for my review of Blade Runner 2049! I’m still excited.