Movies I Don’t Recommend Watching (Part III)

Here we go again! Some of these movies go way back because I wanted to collect enough to make Part III. I don’t watch bad movies often, because I can roughly guess whether I’ll dislike the film from the trailer (or poster), and if I know it’s going to be bad, I wouldn’t waste my time watching it. Most of these films I had to watch them due to social reasons (i.e., my friends wanted to watch it) and I was like – well, I gotta write bad reviews anyway.

So yes, here are 8 films I think you should stay away from.

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Roman J Israel, Esq.
Denzel Washington stars as a driven, idealistic defense attorney whose life is upended when a turbulent series of events challenge the activism that has defined his career.

I was cheated into watching this film. Friggin’ Oscar bait is what it is. I don’t even understand how Denzel Washington was nominated for an Oscar for his role. His portrayal of Roman felt very unnatural, he was to me, more of a movie character rather than an actual person. And you know how I hate films that don’t break me away from reality. This film will frustrate you in so many ways – and I don’t mean the good kind of frustration that is worth sitting through (for example, Mother! by Darren Aronofsky).

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Girls Trip
Best friends Ryan, Sasha, Lisa and Dina are in for the adventure of a lifetime when they travel to New Orleans for the annual Essence Festival.

I have heard nothing but great things about Girls Trip, people hailing it as the funniest thing they’ve seen in ages. And so I caved, and watched it out of curiosity. It says A LOT when the interviews of these actors on Fallon and Kimmel were way funnier than the film itself. The plot of this film was so lame, the script was so cringey that at times it felt like I was watching one of those bad Disney Channel movies. Except for Tiffany Haddish and Jada Pinkett Smith, I also couldn’t stand the acting of the rest of the actors. Yup, this movie was as bad as I thought it was going to be.

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Ferdinand

Ferdinand is a young bull who escapes from a training camp in rural Spain after his father never returns from a showdown with a matador.

I couldn’t even get through half of this film. Really. I think I stopped watching it when I reached the “bull in a china shop” scene. I had been tolerating the film right up till there. I was insulted as an audience, that the creators thought viewers would find these cheap gimmicks interesting. There was nothing heartfelt in the script (I’m being kind here), and there was nothing smart about the plot direction. Stupid scenes, after stupid lines. I decided to cut my losses, because I know I’ve seen enough to know that this is going to be an extremely cheesy film that is only going to piss me off by the end of it.

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The Greatest Showman

Inspired by the imagination of P. T. Barnum, The Greatest Showman is an original musical that celebrates the birth of show business & tells of a visionary who rose from nothing to create a spectacle that became a worldwide sensation.

Ask anyone who loves this film and I PROMISE they will tell you how good the soundtrack is. I think these people are very confused. Having a good soundtrack cannot be a basis for declaring how the film is good. In fact this film, is BAD. I don’t care if you’ve downloaded the entire soundtrack on Spotify, this movie SUCKS. I’m also pretty sure most of the people who watched this and “loved it” have not seen Moulin Rouge. The Greatest Showman was so roll-my-eyes predictable, the lines were cheesy (as you can see, I really can’t stand cheesy films), you will not learn anything new about the world, and honestly – the trailer is better than the movie. Just like Wonder Woman. Stick to the trailer guys, don’t waste your time.

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Edward Scissorhands

A scientist (Vincent Price) builds an animated human being — the gentle Edward (Johnny Depp). The scientist dies before he can finish assembling Edward, though, leaving the young man with a freakish appearance accentuated by the scissor blades he has instead of hands.

I’m going to get some hate from this one. In my defence, I really, really wanted to like this film. Everybody loves it and they won’t stop re-posting scenes of it on Tumblr and Instagram. I guess Edward Scissorhands is more of an iconic film than a good film? There’s really nothing to shout about. I thought this was going to be a much darker film, since Tim Burton wrote it. It’s just disappointing when you reach to the end of it and all you feel is nothing. The plot twist at the end? I saw it coming right from the start. The chemistry between the lead characters – didn’t feel anything at all. There was a whole lot of frustrating stupidity in the film too, many ignorant people making terrible decisions. I don’t think it being an old film is a valid excuse, either.

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Deadpool 2

Wisecracking mercenary Deadpool meets Russell, an angry teenage mutant who lives at an orphanage. When Russell becomes the target of Cable, a genetically enhanced soldier from the future, Deadpool realizes that he’ll need some help saving the boy from such a superior enemy.

I vividly remember yawning constantly during this movie. And looking to the right to check if my friends were still awake. The only reason why I wanted to watch Deadpool 2 was because of Julian Dennison. I loved him in Hunt for the Wilderpeople, he was so funny in his own unique way, and it was so genuine. That is the genius of Taika Waititi. The friggin’ writers of Deadpool have no idea how to write a script that brings out the best of their cast. I feel so sorry for Julian, that he was given such a crappy script. Needless to say, the plot of the movie was shit – as with all superhero movies these days. They are milking this genre like crazy, and I’m through with wasting my money on these poorly-written, money-making, cash cows of zero creativity.

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Isle of Dogs

When, by executive decree, all the canine pets of Megasaki City are exiled to a vast garbage-dump called Trash Island, 12-year-old Atari sets off alone in a miniature Junior-Turbo Prop and flies across the river in search of his bodyguard-dog, Spots.

Once again, I really wanted to like this film. I really, sincerely, did. But the beauty of the two Wes Andersen films that I love (The Grand Budapest Hotel and Moonrise Kingdom), was in the sincerity of the script, in those beautiful lines exchanged between characters that inspire you and touch you. I didn’t get that in this film. Sure, it was beautiful and quirky, but there was nothing special about it. I would shelve this film alongside Fantastic Mr. Fox, in the way they were both aesthetically beautiful on the outside but hollow on the inside.

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The Kissing Booth

A high school student finds herself face-to-face with her long-term crush when she signs up to run a kissing booth at the spring carnival.

I don’t know why I watched this film, please don’t judge me. It was staring at me from my Netflix homepage, and I had some time to spare, and so I watched it. All of it. It’s a bad film, terrible acting, written for teenage girls who read chick-lits all day. I know I didn’t love it, but yet, somehow I can’t comprehend WHY I didn’t abandon the film halfway. I should have. Maybe I just miss school, and watching this film kinda reminded me of what it was like to be a teenage student. I really hope that’s what it was.

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